– I will have been leaning against that olive tree for five days come next Monday.- Arthur said pointing at the window. – The bark will have dug a red hole into my back and my hair will be riddled with thin leaves and a couple of rotten olives.- He touched his hair, eyes wide open.- I will have witnessed the death of a small rabbit and ten thousand litters of water run through the clear stream behind the house. In five days I will have watched the withering of approximately four sun-burnt flowers as well as the blossoming of three healthy looking thistles.- Arthur pulled the blanket up against his face- Today I just guess. I lay at home with my brains spilled across the carpet, ideas splattered along the walls… Today my head spins, eyes rolled all the way back, tiny green dots frantically searching the insides of an empty skull.
There’s a bottle of whiskey standing in my porch. It isn’t mine because it isn’t empty, that much I know but not much else. After making it mine my eyes stray to the top of the hills and my mind enters this state of deep dormancy as the cold wind burns my skin to red. I like to attribute this dormant state of mine to artistic sensibility or some kind of profound connection with nature even though I am fully aware of the now empty bottle of whiskey, or vodka, sometimes both, usually standing at arm’s reach.
As a wake up three hours later, head pounding, I can hear the gentle dripping that sets the mood for a thunderstorm. The hills are now covered in thick mist.
The thing is I’m FEELING quite sober right now so if you want metaphors or beautifully crafted allegories, maybe even a pretentious synesthesia, write them yourselves! Here, hear the thunder. Can you hear it rumbling after the climatic flashes of light that fill up the now darkening skies with mumbled energy? Can you? Then do it yourselves because I’m nothing but a drunken old fool, 18 years old as of now, which has nothing to offer but illusionary sensibility and a superficial knowledge of simple words. I’m done.
There are bodies in the shower
Mismatched mess of limbs
And wet skin glowing purple
Molecules filling emptiness.
Heavy, physical, thick matter.
The air at dawn has no oxygen in it. Here in the city streets, before people, before life, I smell a mixture of beetroot, eucalyptus and wet dirt. That’s all. No oxygen molecules to taint the freshness, the absence of life or to feed my brain. I’m feeling numb and can’t move my legs anymore; I’m switching off but as I sniff the immaculate masterpiece that is nature without us I think of what he once wrote: “To think is to be sick in the eyes.”
I started to squeeze my head into the half empty beer bottle. Slimy mass of lost friends and sad songs dripping from my ears and nose as the thick smoke filled my eyes.
- Hey? – At the sound of the voice I looked to the side. Crushed and crooked, left eye hanging loose.
- Hi – The girl was pretty. Short hair, short dress, short sentence. Her smile was huge against the background of fuzzy things that were meant to be fuzzy, and her eyes were of sharp blue and movements, too reactive for a drunkard’s lair.
- Why are you juicing your head into that half empty beer bottle?
- Because… you know… The squeezing into paper sheets didn’t really work for me. People said it was rambling and mumbling and… it’s my head you know? Maybe the beer bottle will like it, plus the leftover booze will probably round the edges of my pointy thoughts. That’s why things sound better when you’re drunk… ‘cos they’re rounded, you see?
- Yea? I see what you mean. Do you want a kiss?
- Are you sure? You need one.
- No I don’t.
- – She crossed her arms and looked stealthily at the beer bottle of thoughts and warm liquid.
- What?- Like a cat she jumped of her chair, grabbed the bottle and drank it all to the last drop. Then she turned her back to me and left through the front door, tailed by a shroud of smoky substances.
I saw this girl again later, three months later to be precise. She was writing, squeezing herself onto that old napkin through a plastic pen with a name of some bedbug infested 1 star piece of shit yellow walled hotel on it. She had a half empty beer bottle next to her and was wearing an even shorter dress than the first time. I know what you’re thinking…. I talked to her, I did, and yes I most certainly read it. You know what I realized? I realized that we, humans, as a selfish, storytelling, rights demanding, comfort and pleasure searching, little species are all, and always will be, some really shitty fucking writers.
“And left her with an invitation to the blues”
The first wave of dawn is never of great, majestic or wondrous beauty. I thought while I sat there, naked butt cheeks on the wet sand, crooked head and pitiful look as I followed with my eyes the shy little thing, rolling through the scarce meters that separated me from the water’s edge. When the smooth white sheet of salt water silently approached my eager toes I started to believe that maybe, just maybe… but, deserving my initial disbelief and abandoning this hopeful new set of metaphorical balls, the first wave of dawn retreated to hide among its mother’s depths. With this truth, bare legged reality, sadness and shivering morning cold the hyperbolic poet inside of me shriveled into a ball of snot which I urgently spat in fiery despise.
We’re all tired. The lamp looks depressed and the carpet has had way too much to drink. As the yellow walls sigh and the ceiling lowers, we dream of white beaches, black sand and swaying roses. Suddenly, but just as calm and effortless as our feverish dreaming, John, the wrinkly puddle on the sofa, gets is last breath drained out of him, while a feeble puff of sea breeze pulls off of his body one last strand of hair, which immediately floats away like a sailor diving of a sinking ship, unable to accept defeat.